I love how I always make the promise to update my blog more often and then it seems like months go by before I post again! Anyway, I am making that promise yet again.
I haven't been posting much lately other than measurements because it seems like that is all I have had time for. In March we moved to Tucson and I have taken that opportunity for a much desired fresh start. I am now down to around 210 pounds, from 350 pounds this time last year. That is literally a person!! I have a whole new wardrobe since none of my other clothes fit. However, I am still having a hard time seeing myself as a "skinny person". I still see my old fat self in e mirror when I look at in the morning.
I am seeing the health benefits of this surgery though. For those who don't know, I made the final decision to have gastric bypass when I saw the cardiologist a year ago. I had an echocardiogram that came back with thickening (strengthening) of the left ventricle and two valve issues. I went in for my latest echocardiogram at the beginning of the month and I am excited to say that I questioned the doctor about the findings. They told me, and I quote, "you have a perfectly healthy 29 year old heart.".
In addition to the heart issues having resolved, I have also not used my inhaler since I had surgery with the rare exception of when I had an upper respiratory infection in March and eating of corn on the cob last week. Everyone also comments on how slow my pulse is, not too slow, but healthy enough they comment.
I also received my latest blood work and my cholesterol is finally within normal range. Even my good cholesterol is only low by one point! My A1C level is well within normal range and that is a great relief as well!
On the opposite side of the spectrum I am constantly reminded of how overweight I was. I have been having knee issues since June. It is very frustrating since I am not obese anymore. However, this is cause from years and years of being over weight. I learned that for every pound you lose, you take four pounds off your joints. I have been walking around with almost half a ton of extra weight on my joints. No wonder they are shot!! I have learned that it is going to take some time to strengthen my surrounding muscles to help support my knees.
There have been major ups and downs with this surgery. I don't get to eat an entire cake anymore, but I realize now that I was eating the cake because I hated the way I looked because I was fat and unhealthy. Self esteem is a vicious cycle and it is something everyone struggles with. I don't care if you are supermodel skinny or the heaviest man alive, everyone has something they want to change. It is how we deal with these feelings that we have the ability to change. I no longer turn to food for comfort. I have broken my cycle.
I have lost friends along the way, which is my biggest regret. I have changed and I have a high respect for myself now. I won't let people walk all over me. I am highly outspoken and I love myself. I am open and honest and I am not hiding behind my body anymore. Some people haven't been able to accept the new me and with some we just don't have the same things in common anymore. I miss my lost friends but I have accepted that sometimes we have to travel on separate paths.
I have started to allow myself some indulgences. I have lost the weight that the doctors have said I will lose. I have hit goal!! The best thing about hitting a goal is the opportunity to set a new goal. I still want to lose about 30 more pounds. I treat myself, however I have learned not to over indulge. I might have a cupcake one night but not every night with every meal. I will also account for it during the week by an extra workout or cutting out carbs the next meal. I am not perfect in this, but I am viewing food differently. I realize now that it isn't something to fear but something to respect.
Needless to say, I do not regret this decision. This has been the greatest choice I have ever made. It has been an exhilarating adventure and I am so happy that I made it!!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Location:Reflections
